Loosely Speaking
Join three best friends turned business owners for real talk on life, relationships, and leveling up. We dive into everything from entrepreneurship and personal growth to spirituality and wellbeing, sharing authentic stories, big laughs, and practical insights along the way.
Whether you're navigating your career, building meaningful relationships, or simply figuring out adulting, we're here with the conversations and encouragement you need. Nothing is off-limits.
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Loosely Speaking
The Balancing Act: The Myth of Having It All
The pursuit of perfect balance is driving many of us to burnout and feelings of inadequacy. But what if balance itself is a myth? In this thought-provoking conversation, we challenge the notion that women can or should "have it all" simultaneously.
As three entrepreneurs running our own businesses, we get vulnerable about our struggles with juggling multiple roles. Madi and Lauren share their recent business rebrands, revealing how alignment with their true purpose has shifted their energy. This leads us into a deeper examination of society's expectations, particularly for women, to excel in every domain while maintaining perfect composure.
We reference Felicity Harvey's illuminating book "Balance and Other Bullshit," which explores how the ideal of perfect balance is often unattainable and leads to feelings of failure. The conversation takes a fascinating turn as we look at Denmark's approach to life harmony – consistently ranked among the world's happiest countries, they prioritise community living, shorter workdays, and shared responsibilities and mention Little Book of Hygge, The Nordic Theory of Everything and Finding Hygge.
The real issue may not be our inability to balance it all, but rather the system itself. With women reportedly doing seven more hours of housework weekly than men (even when both work full-time), and mental health challenges skyrocketing, perhaps it's time to question what we're valuing. Are we human beings or human doings?
We offer practical suggestions for creating more harmony: setting clear boundaries, being okay with "good enough," creating shared responsibilities, maintaining flexible routines, and practicing the art of saying "no" without explanation. What part of your life might be okay to let go of or allow to be messy?
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Welcome to Loosely Speaking, the podcast where three best friends turned business owners come together to chat about all things life, relationships and leveling up Each episode. We share our perspectives on what it's like being women in business, balancing everything from work and relationships to society and self-care, and from time to time we welcome the best in the biz to share their insights with us.
Speaker 2:Think of us as your go-to girls for real talk, big laughs and a sprinkle of spiritual vibes. So do whatever makes you feel good while you tune in. Let's get the conversation flowing.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to Loosely Speaking I'm Lauren. I'm Laura and I'm Maddie. Today we are going to be talking about the Balancing Act, and we wanted to cover this topic because we certainly all can relate and you know the world's getting busier and a number of people out there probably feel the same way. So we'll be talking about how you juggle multiple roles in your life and responsibilities, as well as time management strategies that actually work and when you should prioritize yourself versus other people. But before we get into it, let's have a little check-in. I want to hear some highlights from the week. You'll be nervous.
Speaker 2:My week was good. Actually, I feel like I had a very productive week. I recently announced well, two days ago announced the rebrand of my previous business, effortless Favors, to Effortlessly Maddie, which is exciting. It's been something that has been in the works for a while. I just wasn't sure how I wanted to put it out there to the community. So, yeah, I'm feeling really happy about that. You'll find that in the bio of our Instagram for Loosely Speaking. But essentially, what I want the page to be is just a platform where I can share what I'm doing, what I'm working on, what clients I'm working with, projects, and just give back to the community with some tips and tricks and, yeah, just a platform for me to share and inspire, hopefully as well. So I'm excited. It feels really aligned with where I'm going, where I feel like Effortless Favors had closed its chapter, but I just wanted to kind of get my head around how I wanted to put it out to the world. So I think that's really my highlight of the week Definitely Such a good one.
Speaker 1:You are shining and it's so awesome to see you step into this light and you, yeah, be in your fullest expression with where you are now.
Speaker 2:Yeah no, it's exciting and it feels good to be like on purpose. I feel like I was a bit lost on how I wanted to do it and now I'm like, yeah, this just feels right so yeah, and the name, I love it. Yeah, I wanted to keep the effortless and.
Speaker 1:I love that name. Yeah, so nice.
Speaker 2:It so suits you, yeah yeah, and it's almost like it was such a nice transition. So when people now see the new name, a lot of people did associate effortless with that business so it's almost really a new chapter of that, of that business. You know, I learned so much doing effortless favors and I met so many amazing businesses. Customers had a really amazing collaboration.
Speaker 1:You did some amazing collabs and yeah, yeah it was great.
Speaker 2:I think it was just time, I think I was just ready to put what I had learned into practice and now help other business owners with their business, and I feel like that's kind of where I'm finding I thrive. So everything's coming together and yeah really excited.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so happy for you, babe, and I understand how you feel, because my highlight is probably also the same Maddie and. I are kind of twinning at the moment. Yeah, the Capricorns are. Capricoting. I love it and you know you're so inspiring to me and it's so nice to be able to do this together. I think I could have sat with it forever and ever and just wanted to make it perfect when it's already got such, it is perfect yeah.
Speaker 1:It's got such strong foundations already, and I felt myself being in a limbo, since I actually decided to like take action and put it out there and show up as Flow State Creative. The energy's just shifted and the last two months that have felt a little bit weighted on my shoulders have now just been totally alleviated, oh good. So, yeah, it feels really good and I'm obsessed with my own brand. Yeah, me too. Yay, love the colours.
Speaker 2:I love the little flow wiggle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a cool, so simple, it's just a wiggle yeah.
Speaker 2:It's just a wiggle.
Speaker 1:It's a wiggle, so cool yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's just fun to play. It's actually been really interesting trying to settle on something because as a creative, you know, my creative potential is like extraordinary. I could do anything, I could go any which way with it. So to try and represent my brand, I was going through a bit of a process with it being like, okay, do I go neutral, so that I could appeal to anyone who came to my site and they could kind of see that they could fit in with that. And then, as I was doing that and I prototyped that website and the branding style guide, I was just like, nah, this isn't me, like it's not showing my flair, it's not showing any of the spark or the zest or the personality that I can bring to this. And so I ended up trying a few different combinations and landed on something that is balanced, not only like the quirk and the energy, but also like the harmony and the femininity that I want to encapsulate about slow, sustainable business as well.
Speaker 1:So love the name and it's been really fun. Sustainable business as well. So love the name, and it's been really fun to start to drip more insights about that process out to the community and have a really supportive response. So, yeah, it's really good. I'm excited too, and that's definitely been the highlight of my week. Love that, love. Yeah, it's beautiful, I love it. I'm excited to see more from this and, yeah, I'm excited to see the website. Have you done that yet?
Speaker 2:No, not yet. Yeah, I think that will be something that will come later. Yay, I'm just excited to put everything on Instagram at the moment, and then I'll definitely have some sort of like contact page or landing page, but I'm just really wanting to channel all of that into the profile at the moment.
Speaker 1:Maybe get Loz to make it for you. That's her specialty Joining forces. Well, that's a beauty of it as well, right? And Matthew and I have been chatting about how we can work together, because we work together so well so we'll definitely be utilising each other's skill sets when it comes to creating a beautiful experience for clients who come to us. And what services do you do so that, if the listeners want to engage with your services?
Speaker 2:What do you do? Thanks, what's the rebrand? Thanks for asking.
Speaker 1:So for me, I'm a creative brand designer and business community founder, so Flow State Creative is built upon three core pillars, and that is creativity, community and well-being, and so all the offerings are centered around that. If someone comes to me, they can come to me. Either you know they're a new brand or a new business and they're just starting out. Either you know they're a new brand or a new business and they're just starting out. They may have recently moved to the coast, or they may just be virtual and looking to set up in their own community and they might just need a bit of support and handholding. They might have a lot of ideas and need them to be brought together, or they may be starting completely from scratch and have no idea how to get it going. Scratch and have no idea how to get it going, and that's where I can step in and help all the way from as minimal as just having a consultation and letting them go away and have a think about it. Or I can engage with them by providing creative services and really help bring the visual elements to their brand that are going to help them connect with their audience, and so I do packages of all different levels to suit and be flexible for where that person is at in business and what their budget is. But ultimately they can come in through that way and I can provide graphic design services. I can help build their websites, we can get them a logo, we can help craft their brand storytelling so that they can connect with others and help them feel confident around how they're showing up, and showing up in a way that feels really aligned and authentic to who they are and what their mission is for their brand. It's even cool like you could even offer like servicing if they need to go somewhere as well, like that would be. So that's the beautiful thing about Flow State is it is so holistic in the sense that you've got Thea, which is the facility, it's the vessel for this work to be carried out. It's where I carry out all my consultations, but also as a business who's doing face-to-face work or one-to-one work in person.
Speaker 1:Thea is a physical space that can be rented out and it's a space that I co-founded and it's in Woi Woi. It's beautiful Private studio space, so they have access to that. It's definitely an option for them. And then there's the collective as well, which is that, oh, I love what you made there Far out, far out, rossa. The collective is, you know that ongoing business support and like-minded community with other business owners and entrepreneurs who understand the challenges and the different seasons that come from running a business, and so there's that aspect to it as well. And then the wellness offerings I'm a yoga teacher, so I'm creating seasonal workshops that are more immersive but are targeted towards people in business who want to restore their creative energy and take that moment to rest and pause in between the busyness that can be running a business, and so we're really about promoting that slow, sustainable growth that is really connected to who you are and to your community.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I do.
Speaker 1:Beautiful yeah.
Speaker 2:Lovely Maddie. Wow, that's a hard one to follow. Essentially, I think a good way to describe what I do is I. It's more so once everything's set up like that. Lauren just said more the ongoing maintenance of marketing, but also bringing in that new work and leads. So I love working with business owners in especially a social media aspect, so full social media management, but really having it being purposeful, with strategic planning, so actually coming up with a strategic marketing plan, so it's not just throwing spaghetti on a wall and seeing what sticks. There's actually a lot of strategy that goes behind it.
Speaker 2:So yeah, essentially what I want to create is I want to take that away, that pressure away from business owners, so they can get back their time and focus on what they're good at and let me do what I'm good at and bringing that through a social media way. So there's other components to it. So there's things like lead magnets I love working with, you know like a price guide or some sort of brochure for the business, so like how they're looking for their clients and what that experience is like, and kind of combining that marketing with operational support as well. But yeah, I just love all things marketing, I love all things business. So I just really want to help support business owners so they can get that time back and also see results as well for the marketing efforts, don't worry, just for me.
Speaker 1:I can't believe you found me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm a brain.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that's cool. It's like it's the best of both worlds, like I can be really creative with what I'm creating in social media, with the visual assets and how it looks, but then there's also that strategy behind it too, which is like that operational side of my brain that it's a really good balance of just being creative and making things look visually appealing but also making that it works. So, if it's for social media, obviously you know that's for things like brand awareness or leads. If it's a document, is it functional for the client to view and to work with? So it's not just about making things pretty, it's actually also making sure that it's making the business run smoothly and bringing a new business as well. So, yeah, I'm just excited to just work with I've already worked with so many amazing businesses and I'm just excited to have a really nice range of clients that I work for and, yeah, see where it leads. But yeah, that's what I do.
Speaker 1:Good girl.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Proud of you both. You're freaking killing it. Yeah, it's cool to see it all take shape. Now. I didn't rebrand this week. I didn't have anything like that crazy well, not crazy, but that exciting, that's such big energy Like. For me, it was just like, yeah, my highlight is just like being able to come here and record with you guys, connect with you guys and, yeah, just prepping for that and just having family time. Really, I've been spending time with my son a lot more now that this wedding season's sort of wrapping up, so just really slowing down and yeah, I am so like. I feel like I really am very seasonal, like it's getting cold now I'm starting like we had our first fire night last night at home. So that for me, is really my highlight, just like slowing down and spending time with my family and, yeah, first fire night, that's really, yeah, how hot was it?
Speaker 2:Was it warm? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Very cute, I love that. Oh yeah, yeah, you really are twinning this week. Word for word. I nearly grabbed my glass of water as well. That would have just been too much. So that was a. This could have been a topic in itself.
Speaker 2:Rebranding Life updates.
Speaker 1:But no, what we really came here to talk about was the balancing act. So I guess a good example of that is how we are doing this podcast and we are balancing that against well, in my instance, being a mama of two and running Flow State, Creative and the Collective, and you know, remembering to drink water and eat a decent meal and catch up with family and friends and pay bills, and there's just so much that life demands from us and pulls us in different directions. So what are we juggling? How are we managing?
Speaker 2:Everything and surviving, I don't know how to do it.
Speaker 2:It's a juggling act. I feel. I feel like some weeks, like this week, I felt really on top of my week because I set time aside on the Sunday, but then the week prior to that I was just manic like you know, chasing my tail all week. I just feel like some weeks you have great weeks, some weeks you don't. But I think planning is something that's really crucial for me and if I do that well, especially on a Sunday, I just notice I have such a better week and feel on top of my week, not letting the week kind of control me. Yes, yeah, which is important, but yeah, it's hard. It's hard doing all the things and then, like you said, also like for me, I haven't been exercising, that's something I've been slacking off, but it's like and you feel, yeah, you feel sad when you miss out on that part.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Moving your body is so important for me as well. Yeah, that sucks.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Why not have you?
Speaker 2:just not been able to get to the gym. Yeah, I think I've. Well, I haven't found a gym that I've that I like. It's hard to find, especially on the coast. I don't know if you've felt the same. Well, because I like so many different things. I love the pilates component, I love yoga, I love heated yoga and then I also like weights, but then you know, it's hard to find a gym that does all of that. But I think I also just need to probably get into a bit of a routine. But for for me, the last few weeks it's been more about work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're rebranding yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, even like at home, I did a massive like cull of all my clothes, which is something that I've been wanting to do for so long.
Speaker 1:So I'm doing other things, but now I'm like I need to focus on exercise because Well, they actually say that exercise you can, like you've got, like working out eating well, work like work projects, relationships, like there's like five, like I forget the other one.
Speaker 2:Pillars.
Speaker 1:Five pillars of like being a very busy person. Like you can only really apply yourself to two at a time. That's what they say. So that's generally when I've got a huge work project coming on or I've got you know, I want to focus on my marriage with Patti, like go on dates or whatever the other three can suffer. So like your friendships or the gym, like you can really only hone in on two at a time to really fully apply yourself. That's what they generally say and it's so true. Like I've noticed that you really can only focus. Like you can do it all, yeah, but actually I forget how patty worded it, but, um, you can. Like you can only really fully apply yourself to two at a time. That makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can. You can do multiple things. But whether or not, you're doing them to the best of your ability or in a way that you feel proud of. It's a different story. Yeah, yeah, like fully like hon. Like there's weeks where I'm like gymming all the time and then I'm not going out as much socially, or you know, it's yeah ebbs and flows, like I feel like you really can't, no, you can't be hard on yourself.
Speaker 2:Lots of things too. I think there's a lot of emphasis on like balance and you know, work-life balance and there's, and they're all good things to have in mind. But also there's seasons, like there's times where you're going to be busier at work, so take off the pressure somewhere else. It's like you're not always going to be balanced with all the things, but it's like a little bit of everything is good, but also like there's going to be seasons in your life where you're just working. You know we've both gone through a rebrand. You've just come out of wedding season Like that was a busy period, but now it's like okay, I might go through a bit more of a exercise period and slow down a little bit, but then also just acknowledging where you're at and not being like having to be balanced all the time because that stresses me out sometimes that I'm like I'm not balancing all the things, but then it's like, as long as you're doing your best, that's all you can really do.
Speaker 1:I love that. Yeah, compassion is key and honoring the seasons, and I want to talk about balance. This term, I think it's just setting us up to fail. In a way. It's a bit of a myth, I feel.
Speaker 1:Balance it all, you'll be fine, yeah but it also gives this impression of like, okay, I'm over here, but now this is dropping, so I'm gonna go back over here and it's like it just doesn't sit well in my mind, whereas I prefer harmony, for example. How can I get all of these elements in my life to work for me and with me? And integration, where can I, you know, blend things and relate things so that it takes stress off my plate and I also still feel like there's room to play and have freedom and not be so like strategic or having to plan, Even restricted, Like yeah restricting and like, at the end of the day, like we all just want to have a good time, like want to see our friends, we want to do things with the kids and let them be kids and play.
Speaker 1:Like you know, I feel like I actually want to balance. I should say balance, like having that as well, that's really important for me, like letting them just be kids and like just play, like that's the whole point.
Speaker 2:You can't forget the point yeah.
Speaker 1:That was one of my big lessons in my early mothering days was feeling like I had to fill our days with things to do. But it's not the case and since moving to the new house, we have just days at home where they're happy to play with their toys and get lost in their world and just be outside and roam. And it's so good to have that unstructured time. Yeah, yeah, because life is busy, so why put that onto them as well? And it's home Like. Home is like where your soul gets to rest, like it's your place where you can be free, or yourself, like completely yourself. Really, that was really nice. Yeah, home is literally where the heart is. It's so important just to be at home. And potter I love pottering. I'm such a little.
Speaker 2:Harry Potter, harry Potter, laura Potter, laura Potter oh yeah, we can't forget what it's all about.
Speaker 1:You know and we can, I'm guilty of it. And in wedding season I want to potter, but I can't forget what it's all about. You know and we can, I'm guilty of it, Like and in wedding season I want to bother, but I can't. I'm like I've got to be working like, yeah, yeah, that's true, and sometimes you do have to be on and you have to be focused and dedicated to a certain project or task and things are going to take a back seat and hopefully you have support from people around you.
Speaker 1:That that's okay you know and that you have enough self-awareness to notice when you kind of need to be brought back into alignment and at least regularly checking in to kind of see how you feel and where you're at. Yeah, and it's important to apply yourself. Like I thrive in wedding season, like I get to create these amazing briefs that we've been working on for months and like it takes shape and that's really important for me. But it is very seasonal and it's important to like remember that it's you know it's okay to slow down and I don't know balancing. Yeah, you're right, I can be like is there another word? Let's choose again. This could be a good time to bring up a resource that I really wanted to mention today. There was a point in time a year ago when I was right in the thick of overwhelm and having a bit of an existential crisis around oh my God, life is so demanding.
Speaker 1:Existential. How would you?
Speaker 2:describe it. It sounds so like extra hashtag extra existential I'm not even gonna try and say that can you try? I'm tapping out, that's setting me up to fail.
Speaker 1:It means where you're just extra, you're having a moment where it's like what is life? Yeah, I think that's what it means. Don't quote me on that, but I was right in the thick of it and questioning is this really how it's meant to feel? I'm putting myself back down? Is this the whole point? Yeah, what is the point? And I was working full time, trying to also run my own business, and I think Jai would have been one.
Speaker 1:So you know, two kids under one and also having time for my own relationship and my own rest and physical health huge, like that's. My physical needs always go on the back burner, which I'm trying to change. But yeah, I just remember feeling really angry about particularly the role of women and mothers. And don't get me wrong, wrong. I love and feel so privileged and grateful that we have opportunities as women living in Australia where we can be leaders and we can get paid a fair wage and you know the circumstances are getting better and we can honor all of the hard work that women before us have done to advocate for equal rights. We can honour all of the hard work that women before us have done to advocate for equal rights. I love that and I love that we can be independent and live off our own income. We don't need other people. I totally fully respect that and get that. But there are times where I question have we pushed that too far?
Speaker 1:to the point where we're so in our masculine, we're wearing all of these roles and responsibilities, we're carrying a huge load. There's societal pressure and expectation that if you aren't like killing it, making it super successful, are you valued, are you good enough? Yeah, you fucking are. But I was getting really angry at the system and how it's set up at the moment and questioning okay, do I really want this for myself? And so I got put onto this book called Balance Another Bullshit by Felicity Harvey, and she was like a super successful woman working in media and she started questioning similar things. And so she actually went out and did her own independent research and interviewed hundreds of other women in varying life circumstances, various job roles. Some were mums, some weren't, like very different categories of women.
Speaker 1:And she talks about this myth of balance and she challenges the notion that women can achieve perfect balance in their lives and argues that the ideal is often unattainable and can lead to feelings of inadequacy, which I think is 100% true. And then she looks at perfectionism as well, and particularly she looks at the wellness industry and the emphasis on self-care and suggests that it often leads to pressure rather than alleviating stress. You know, are we even doing a good job of looking after ourselves, let alone managing all the other things in our life. And then she looks at personal empowerment, and so she's kind of dismantling this concept and then interviewing various people on their perspectives of how they make the the juggle, if you like work for them, and I feel like that's what it comes back to is like, how do you want to feel?
Speaker 1:What's success look like on your terms? When are you feeling your best and how can we try and preserve that? It's not always going to be perfect. It can be messy, and that's cool, yeah, but what do you want? Not what society tells you you should have or can have. And like, yeah, you probably can do it all, but can you do it all? Well, do you want to do it all? Yeah, so true, very true, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think the pendulum has swung a little bit too far for my liking. I like being yeah, I like yeah. There's so much pressure on us as women and I feel like it's such an interesting time because we've only really seen that change with women empowerment, I guess, in the workplace, particularly the last. What 50 years Like? Is it even 50? I don't know, maybe even less.
Speaker 2:Less like 20? Probably less yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, don't quote me on the numbers, but it's like we're the first generation to really fully embody that and we're also the first generation like is it millennials that have the most side hustles? Mm-hmm. Yeah, gen Zs are different, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just like Gen Zs are different. Yeah, the new generation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I feel like there is a lot of pressure and it's okay to not balance at all. Yeah, and have that huge you know, yeah weight. I guess I love when you also talk about masculine and feminine energy. I know that's something that you're really passionate about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and talk about masculine and feminine energy, I know that's something that you're really passionate about and you know you listened to Monica Yates and she had some interesting perspectives. Oh, she's amazing. She's changed my perspective on what I'm reading in the app. She's well, I'll have to share her details, but I just love her. No bullshit perspective, she doesn't beat around the bush and I love her views. I think she's just actually. She's just released a book Becoming Her. I would love to read that when I have.
Speaker 1:Maybe during this quieter season I can actually apply myself to reading that book because I think it's become one of the top-selling books. Don't quote me on that. That's awesome, but I remember it really. Yeah, she's killing it and she has said like she's worried that you know it's gonna it's swung too far and like you know women are gonna actually resist that and kind of not.
Speaker 1:Like it's actually becoming a trend right now to be a trad wife and like what's that? It's like no, is it trad wife or housewife? Like where you get married and then you don't work, you just take care of the house and like you don't have to be a mother. But like it's it's becoming a trend where women actually um patty, I think he had like he had a conversation with someone and like when he went on a date with a woman and she was like I want to be a, like I want to marry, and then I want to be a housewife. Like not even a mom, like she just doesn't. And it's almost like that's what Monica was kind of I think she was saying in one of her podcasts or one of her videos where it could women are not all women want to wear all the hats. It's too much on our nervous system and it's like it probably will start swinging the other way, which is also totally fine. Like this is very new for us as women.
Speaker 1:Like I said, it's only been 22, I think not even 50 years, like 30, let's say, middle mark, 30 years where we really have been putting this pressure on ourselves. So I just love her, I love her perspective on life and it's very factual. Like it's so true things she highlights, um, but feminine and masculine energy that's a whole nother topic for itself. Like that's huge and that's only really been talked about recently as well. Like I feel like we are consciously evolving, or like evolution is like we're in a really cool time and crucial time for humanity, where it's just a really strong time and these topics are more talked about. And, yeah, it's true, like it is yin and yang, like it's true. So I forget what the question was, but I am passionate about that, but that's a whole nother episode. In fact, we should get someone someone who is like I don't know the ins and outs Like we should get someone to come on, let's get Monica.
Speaker 1:Yates, monica, she's having a baby right now. Congratulations to her, but yeah, I don't, maybe in the future, who knows. But she's really cool and I'll have to share in the show notes her. Yeah, if you just take a few things away from her perspective, it changed my perspective on life. So, yeah, we don't have to do it all like balancing, like mate, I'm just balancing. I literally balanced my day today. But how do we like? Should we be telling you how to do it? I don't know we? I don't even know.
Speaker 1:I don't think anyone's an expert.
Speaker 2:No, yeah I think it's good just also to recognize that we don't know, and there's probably no one out there that really does know. I think we're all just trying to do the best that we can with each day and each moment. But I feel like circling back to the society, pressures like I really think that is still so prevalent like people being like what are you doing for work or how many clients have you got, are you making good money like these are. These are questions I'm asked like regularly and it's like it's hard.
Speaker 1:It is hard to be that and then come home and be this like feminine goddess and be like doing all the things because it's like I'm roast chicken out the door Because it's like With the apron and the hair.
Speaker 2:I know, because you know you're making money to keep up with the cost of living.
Speaker 1:Bullshit Like it's just Bullshit.
Speaker 2:I feel like the system isn't designed for it. But it's like in situations like ours, where we are designing businesses that we're the owners of, then hopefully we can create these lives for ourselves. But it's definitely something that, yeah, it's, it's true and it's, it's there, and I think, especially with, like, our parents generation, I feel like it's very much like you know, what do you have to show for yourself? Like, have, are you in the property market? Yeah, like you know, it's. It's just like constant pressure. And then, even like, when you catch up with someone, they're like oh, what are you doing for work? Like it's not.
Speaker 2:Like, how's your mental health going? Like, how are you? Like you know what's what's going on for you? Like, mentally, it's like, oh, what are you doing for work? Like, have you done this, have you done that?
Speaker 2:It's just there's so much pressure just surrounding us constantly. And then there's also things like when are you doing this? When are you having kids? When are you getting married? And it's like I'm just trying to just keep up with my life as it is, let alone throwing more into the mix.
Speaker 2:It's just I just feel like this as women, there's so much more that's expected of us versus men.
Speaker 2:I feel like that same level of pressure isn't put on men to be able to do all the things and still be like this person that makes a home a home and can cook and clean, and even actually Abby Chatfield actually spoke about this about every week on average, and this is for people that don't have kids, and I actually didn't quote kids or not kids. Women do seven hours more around the house in terms of housework, cooking, cleaning, washing, just like shopping stuff versus men, and these are people that both work full time. Women do seven more hours than men per week and then, like I would say, with kids, it would probably be double that. If you're thinking about like you know, so it's just like that. And then it's also like I didn't know that, yeah, it's just like. And then you're expected to like show up and do this and earn really good money and keep up with all these pressures. It's just like, yeah, it's a big much, yeah, and keep up with all these pressures. It's just like, yeah, it's a big much yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think it's sustainable. It's not. I think it's going to like and I do feel like the world is changing better, Like this is just not sustainable. Sometimes it gets harder before it gets better, but the proof's in the pudding. You know we're seeing skyrocketing mental health rates, I know, and domestic violence. And you know seeing skyrocketing mental health rates and domestic violence. And you know kids with anxiety as well. And it's like, hey, what are we valuing here? What is the priority? How do we move beyond asking these surface level?
Speaker 2:questions, when we interact with people to actually get to the heart of humanity and understand what really is important. Yeah, what is the point? I've loved that reel. I don't know if you've both seen it circulating. It's like people putting up reels of like being with their kids or just doing something slow and wholesome, and it's like this is.
Speaker 2:I forgot this was the point and I'm like yeah, it's just so nice because it's like, what is your purpose? Like what, what? Like like you know what is the point, like you've got to come back to that, because I think if you lose sight of that, you can just get swept up in this. That's right.
Speaker 1:I think you know, is it Denmark? I love their. They have a. Maybe you could talk about it, higa. Oh, yeah, well, I love their. I think that's an amazing way to balance having a village and, oh my God, tell me more you can. Yeah, that's what. That's how human beings should be. I feel like like living it's so beautiful Not for everyone, I guess, but but like I love that that that's probably like a really beautiful way of balancing it.
Speaker 1:More like a good example I would love to hear well, first of all, I just want to echo what you just said about human being, not human doing. You know, when you meet someone, it's like oh, how have you been? Yeah, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy doing this Busy doing that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, life's busy.
Speaker 1:Life's busy. Oh, wow, okay, you're really busy. Then what is the point? Human beings, we are human beings. So have we forgotten how to be? How can you be more in the world? And I've been attracted to Denmark's culture, not that I'm an expert never actually been there, I'd love to go.
Speaker 2:You will, babe, I will, you will. I was so close to booking a flight far out.
Speaker 1:I should have done it. Denmark seems to model really well. Well, there and Finland are quite often at the top, if not the winners, of happiest countries in the world, happiest populations, and there are some really interesting books. The ones that I've read are A Little Book of Hooger by Mark, something I'll put it in the show notes. I'm going to go home and read that book.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do you have it? I have it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so good, and the Nordic Theory of Everything, who I've forgotten the author of as well. That of everything, who I've forgotten the author of as well. That one's really interesting because it looks more about politics and healthcare and talks about things like paid parental leave and how they get years and the fathers get years as well.
Speaker 1:It's more flexible. Yes, they pay higher taxes, it's more expensive there, but the benefits are better. Most people ride their bikes to work. Their work days are shorter. They might have four-day work weeks. They prioritize family meals and there's a really good documentary as well on hygge, which I can also find and put in the show notes. And what I loved about it was there's this restaurant in the heart of Denmark and they have this long community table and that's the only table. So when you go you have to sit and you might sit next to strangers and you just have this shared meal, shared conversation. It's all cozy, it's all from garden to plate.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, and that's there just like that's just it, that is the point, that's the it, that's. That is the point. That's the point. And this is really cool. They have these communities, communes maybe, where it might be a huge warehouse, but it's shared by four families and they have a communal kitchen and the families share childcare and cooking and cleaning and they have their own privacy. They have their own dwellings but they come together at regular intervals and they share responsibilities. And we've become well here in my experience in Australia, a bit more removed from villaging and community. I don't know my neighbours, not enough to leave my kids with them anyway.
Speaker 2:No way, I don't even think I know their. I know one side's first name, but the other I have no idea what their first. I know what they look like, but I wouldn't know their first name In the 90s and in the early noughts, noughties, whatever 2000s your neighbours were more in your life?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was. You know, we were having street parties, santa came and there was so much more connection beside the point. No, but that's it, and you couldn't ask for help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was easier to lean on each other. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's the point as well is, I think, building up a strong support system around you and practicing how to ask for help, because your friends are there genuinely. Your friends want to help you with things. They don't want you to be carrying these mental burdens and the invisible load. You want to be there for each other and so when someone offers, you take it up and see how that feels. It could feel really uncomfortable at first, but if you're someone who's not great at receiving support, um, try it out and see how that feels and if that alleviates any stress from you.
Speaker 1:The more that I've tried to practice imperfection and messiness actively in my life, the easier things have felt and the less I've cared about things that really don't need me to care that much about them yeah, so true yeah, wow.
Speaker 1:well, I hope there this has shed some light on some things that you might be experiencing or going through, or if you feel alone. I do feel like you know people say, oh, there's support out there, and you still it doesn't feel like it's true. If you are feeling, yeah, like you need support, maybe we could link some things that we can try and help you with, but I don't. There's not really an answer to balancing, unfortunately. It's just at the end of the day, you just need to try and do the best you can and like that's enough for me.
Speaker 1:Just trying your best and being there. Yeah, if someone needs you to be there and listen, and yeah.
Speaker 2:And even I think, if you've listened to this podcast and your episode and you're like, oh, these are things that I do, I tend to ask someone these sorts of questions or I don't tend to ask for help, maybe you can have a bit of a reflection after this episode, and I think we have some questions as well that we'll put to you at the end. But you know, just think, when you are interacting with someone, how are you interacting? What sorts of questions are you asking? Um, are you focusing on that busy element and using busy as almost like a shield of honor to be like I'm busy, like, just think of these questions and think about how we're all contributing to this issue.
Speaker 1:Essentially, Well, yeah, I love that yeah.
Speaker 1:And taking a breath. Yeah, I'm not going to lie, though. Like sometimes someone asks me a surface level question and that is like I can't go deep and I'm like, yeah, I am really. That's all I can say. Sometimes I'm like really busy and I'm guilty of it, so guilty of it. And I know when we went to retreat with your beautiful retreat that you host, someone was like, oh, I hate those surf level questions like how's work, what do you do and you know what? Like that's our life and I don't mind if someone asks me that it's actually interesting. I want to know, I want to know what you're doing, but maybe follow. You know we can ask these surface level questions and that's how we kind of connect in in the community there's got to be a way in.
Speaker 1:You can't just be like oh definitely an experience that really shaped you in your life straight off the bat. Tell, tell me your deepest, darkest secrets. Some people can't go deep, and sometimes a short response is you know, I get that, I do it, I'm so guilty. Sometimes I'm like I'm so busy. I feel like saying I am really busy, I'm having a big day today, you know, and to that point, though, I would argue that saying something like that is better than making no connection at all. Yeah, for sure. So just try your best at the end of the day. Yeah, felicity Harvey. We have summarized some of her key points here and things that she recommends as to how to practice this in everyday life, and some of the things that she suggested is how to set clear role boundaries. For example, when work ends at 8pm, switch off your emails and commit to that time with your family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that one she also says be okay with good enough. Instead of cooking the perfect meal every night, opt for healthy, simple options or delegate cooking to other family members. These are just examples. She also suggests create shared responsibilities, flexible routines over rigid schedules and practising saying no oh.
Speaker 2:I actually had a really good quote the other day. It wasn't a quote, it was just a saying. No can be a one-worded answer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no is a sentence.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no is a sentence. Yeah, no is a sentence. Not like no because. Or like if you say to me, oh, do you want to do this? And I just say, look, no, you don't have to. Then be like because I'm doing blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like you can just say no. You can kind of justify it, no it can just be no Wow, no, no, it can just be no Wow.
Speaker 1:No, thank you, no, thank you, no, dunker no dunker.
Speaker 2:No, no, I just think it's okay. Sorry, no.
Speaker 1:We love that one. It's been with us for about 10 years, Sorry no.
Speaker 2:Sorry, no, sorry, no You'll hear that one a few times everyone oh no, where'd that even come from?
Speaker 1:No means no, that's a good, strong, sure and strong. So I guess, just to wrap up, some listener reflection questions are have you ever chased the idea of having it all, and what did that experience teach you?
Speaker 2:What's one thing you regularly do that drains your energy, but still feel obligated to do it? Why?
Speaker 1:What belief about success or perfection are you ready to let go of? What part of your life are you trying to hold together? That might be okay to let go, or let be messy. I love it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we would love to hear all of your answers. If you want to share them in a post or we'd love if you would if you're a bit more private, send us a DM with those answers.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for being a part of this journey with us and, yeah, we look forward to hearing from you. Thanks, guys, thank you bye. Thanks for tuning in to loosely speaking and, as we always say, please take us with a pinch of salt. New episodes drop every fortnight, so please don't forget to hit that subscribe button. Want to see more of the fun? Follow us on Instagram at looselyspeakingpodcast, and come be a part of the good vibes. Have you got a story topic idea or just want to say hey, we'd love to hear from you. Please shoot us an email at looselyspeakingthepodcast at gmailcom. If you enjoyed this episode, leave us a comment and follow along so you never miss a beat. Catch you next time.
