Loosely Speaking
Join three best friends turned business owners for real talk on life, relationships, and leveling up. We dive into everything from entrepreneurship and personal growth to spirituality and wellbeing, sharing authentic stories, big laughs, and practical insights along the way.
Whether you're navigating your career, building meaningful relationships, or simply figuring out adulting, we're here with the conversations and encouragement you need. Nothing is off-limits.
Think of us as your go-to gals for honest advice with a sprinkle of spiritual vibes.
Remember to take us with a pinch of salt!
Loosely Speaking
Friends for a Reason, Season, or Forever
Relationships aren't always meant to last forever, and recognizing when one has run its course is essential for personal growth and well-being. We dive into the signs that indicate when it's time to move on and how to create meaningful connections that align with who you are now.
• Your body often signals when relationships no longer serve you – feeling heavy, small, or inauthentic around someone is a key warning sign
• Communication is crucial – bottling up feelings leads to resentment while honest conversations provide opportunities for growth
• Not every relationship ending is tragic – some people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or forever
• Making new friends as an adult requires putting yourself out there, showing genuine interest, and following up consistently
• Setting boundaries, especially with family, is essential but challenging – respect is non-negotiable in all relationships
• Grieving ended relationships is natural, but making space allows room for connections that better align with who you are now
• Trust your intuition when something feels off – you deserve relationships where you can be your authentic self
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Welcome to Loosely Speaking, the podcast where three best friends turned business owners come together to chat about all things life, relationships and leveling up.
Speaker 2:Each episode, we share our perspectives on what it's like being women in business, balancing everything from work and relationships to society and self-care. And from time to time, we welcome the best in the biz to share their insights with us.
Speaker 3:Think of us as your go-to girls for real talk, big laughs and a sprinkle of spiritual vibes. So do whatever makes you feel good while you tune in. Let's get the conversation flowing.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to our podcast. Today we're going to be talking about leaving friendships that no longer serve us, or friendships, relationships. Some friendships or relationships is seasonal and some are forever, and I'm grateful to know who my forevers are. Oh, and unfortunately, you know, there's people that you feel like there will be in your life forever and they're not meant to be, and that's okay. So what's that?
Speaker 1:thing that you say. I really love it. Yeah, I love that quote. Some people come into your life for a reason. Yeah, some people come into your life for a season and some stay forever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the reason can be lessons too.
Speaker 3:The theme of the episode is leaving relationships that no longer serve you, but also some signs, almost like red flags, warning signs or even just how you're feeling in your body when you're around people, things to kind of look out for and how to spot when that is potentially happening to you and, yeah, how you move forward from that.
Speaker 1:Following on from that is how can you actually create friendships that feel authentic and feel right for the time of life that you're in? How do you cultivate strong, deep connections that turn into forever friends?
Speaker 2:and I do feel like you know, it is hard to find your people and it can take time. And then when you find them, you're like, yeah, these are my people and not everyone's for you and you're not for everyone and that's okay and I love that. My mum told me that at such a young age and it's so true and like I love that I knew that at a very young age because that gave me the confidence being like, yeah, you can take me or you can leave me, and I don't care, because this is who I am. And yeah, my mum always said that when I went to primary school and I was like, yeah, I am, you either love me or you don't, and I'm not for everyone. And I know that.
Speaker 1:And I love that I embody, that I'm like whatever you really do, like that's how you were the first second I met you, but also how, what a gift that your mum gave you Just that permission slip to be yourself. Because, particularly in those earlier years where you're developing your ego, I think it's from like the ages of 10 to 21 or something like that.
Speaker 1:There's a specific age period, but one of the deepest things that we desire is to belong. One of the deepest things that we desire is to belong, and so we might bend and stretch and mold ourselves into different shapes that suit everybody else but don't really feel like us.
Speaker 3:I love the um quote it's like you could be the juiciest peach in the world, but some people just don't like peaches, so it's like kind of what your mom said, like you could be, yeah you know, and but you're not for everyone, and I think it's a good reminder for yourself and also for the people that come, you know, after us with daughters and sons.
Speaker 2:It's like teaching them to have that confidence in themselves that you may not be for everyone, but that's okay and if, if a friendship doesn't serve you anymore, it doesn't mean you're not, it doesn't mean you're a bad person, it means it's just run its course and, um, move on like it's just the way life can be. And um, yeah, it's so true, we're all juicy peaches, I think. Yeah, it's just like really important to know if you're struggling right now and people might come to mind and or you could be going through a hardship right now and you're sort of like not sure if you want that relationship to keep blossoming, and it's sort of like I feel like with relationships it's so intuitive, it's like I don't know how do you feel? And like what does your gut say?
Speaker 3:like it's your body doesn't lie and I think like first things first. If you are feeling like this, just know that like you aren't the problem and that this is so normal and I feel like it's probably something that's not really spoken about that this does happen to everyone at some stage in different. You know ways, but if you're not, if there was someone in your life that you were really close with and, for whatever reason, you're not close with anymore, or you've had a fallout, or whatever the case is just know that you're not the problem. Like you could be part of the problem, but it's like there's nothing wrong with you. Like this is a natural thing that happens in life. Honoring yourself in those moments and being like this isn't serving me anymore, and obviously you want to try and do it in a way that's graceful and and nice, but there's certain situations that happen that it makes it hard to do that so.
Speaker 3:I think just go easy on yourself. If you are going through this, if you're listening to this and it's something that's really relevant for you right now, just go easy on yourself, because a lot of people go through it.
Speaker 3:It's probably just not so much spoken about yeah, it's natural to grow apart in friendships and to outgrow friendships as well, and for life to take you on different trajectories I guess we can probably start with some of the warning signs that maybe in either of your experiences or just generally that you've felt, that you've noticed in those particular situations that's kind of given you that kind of warning sign or maybe that little niggle to go. Yeah, I don't think this is a friendship that I want to pursue sorry, no, I feel like definitely a big one for me.
Speaker 2:Like you can see red flags, I guess, from a mile away, I guess anyone can. But I feel like how do you feel after you've seen that person? Like, do you feel light, do you feel happy, do you feel heavy? That one's a big one for me and generally for me, when a friendship sort of fizzling out, I feel quite early on I'm like I just don't feel as good around you anymore, even like my husband, like, oh, like every time you see this person, you just you're just not yourself, like you just you know maybe you just need to like kind of distance yourself and sometimes you have to listen to the people who are in your corner. That's a huge one because they can see things in you that you might not be ready to see, or so yeah, generally for me, like I am very loyal and I love the friendships that I've built, and you know it's very hard for me to let someone go, but towards the end of it I feel like it takes a toll on my energy, like I'm like I just don't feel happy anymore or like I feel heavier after I've seen you.
Speaker 2:That's a big one for me. Like how do I feel? And like if I know that I'm feeling that way, but then when someone raises it with me, who's in my corner, who I love, I'm like okay, yeah, that okay, yeah, that's my side, yeah, and it's sad because you know you invest in these relationships, but it's like I'm also like okay with that ending and that honours my energy, and even for you guys that I've seen over the years and like another one is judgements Like if you feel like you're being judged, that's not a true friend. Yeah, what about you guys?
Speaker 1:so this was really interesting when we talked about this topic and we're thinking about how it would apply to our circumstances. In my instance, there's been very few times where I've had to leave like consciously leave a relationship that wasn't serving me. So I guess from my perspective, I'm more coming from the point of in school I had a number of friends from different groups and different walks of life and I actually haven't taken any of those friendships really and kept them alive following on from school, and I think it's just naturally. We grew apart and I pursued different things and life just didn't take us in that way.
Speaker 1:But it made me stop and reflect and think okay, what was the reason for that? Why weren't those connections strong enough and why don't I really feel that emotional about not having any of the friends from school? And there probably are answers that I'm just never gonna have. Like I don't know what role I played in that. I can't think of many that ended on bad terms at all. It was just kind of like we just didn't see each other anymore and it kind of fizzled out.
Speaker 1:But I am intrigued because there could be people out there who have certain opinions or thoughts that I may not be aware of as to why that relationship ended, and I may never get the answer and moving into my adult life, I think that was something that I really craved was to have long-standing friendships and build relationships with people, but that was a desire that I discovered I had even from being an only child. I think wanting to have people there constantly by my side that I could count on was actually a really core need for me. And in school I had lots of friends, but did I have super strong connections that I was going to take with me on and on until life?
Speaker 1:no, that didn't come in until I met you, laura, or Tom or Pat, or you, maddie, and I feel like I can add more to this conversation around how to find friends that are beautiful mirrors to who you see yourself to be, friends that set the bar, that, like, bring the standard that you wish to have in your relationships, because really in my early 20s was when I started to understand myself better and when I understood myself better, then I could pursue the things that I was interested in.
Speaker 1:I understood what I was looking for in friendships and I was able to find them and recognize them when these people walked into my life. So now, like Ben, cassie, dan, martha, like there are some core people that I've had in my life over the years, now that I do have these really strong friendships that I always wanted to have, and they take work and they are plants that I need to water and nourish. And you know I'm always thinking to myself how can I improve my relationships, and particularly my relationship with Tom, like my intimate relationship, my relationships with my families? And that just comes from making time, asking them the right questions, making sure that they feel loved, that I'm showing up in their life and you know they're doing the same for me, and it has to be that fair energy exchange big time.
Speaker 1:If there's not, there has to be some sort of understanding or acceptance or leniency in the appreciation that there may be times where we'll see each other more than other times or different priorities take shape for either side of that friendship, and that's okay. Yeah, the foundation is strong. So, yeah, that's what I wanted to maybe speak to, uh, in this conversation is how to identify those friendships and how to nurture the ones that really mean something to you, and how to make new friends as an adult like if you've already left a friendship group.
Speaker 1:Some people may have had the same friends from school or have the same friends their whole life, and that's awesome. That's not my story. It's becoming my story now as more percentage of my time is knowing you guys. But yeah, yeah. I'd be interested to hear how that is for others who've had long-standing friendships like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think for me like warning signs or you know, kind of. Going back to what you were talking about, laura, I feel it always kind of starts in my body Like I feel like your heart.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like I'm the sort of person that I do wear my heart on my sleeve, I'm quite an empathetic person. So if I've got friendships in my life to that level like there's definitely friends that I have that are more like acquaintances and we have fun together and it's good to have a balance of both, but I think more so to like my core people, if I'm feeling slightly off in the relationship, I can always feel it in my body first, but my mind is like no, I'm like you know. My heart probably is like I love this person. I want to see this through. We've been through so much but, being the way that I am, I tend to give a lot and if I don't feel like that's coming back, then, that's when I can start to feel a real disconnect.
Speaker 3:If somebody is taking more than they're giving to me, that's also a really big red flag because it makes me think about their morals and where they're coming from and their intentions with me as a friend. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I think in the past I've had friendships where you know it's even being said by that person or a known fact that I give a lot. So then there's people that do take advantage of that. So, yeah, I think for me it starts in my body. I feel it there and that's that's to any relationship. I feel like it always starts there and I can feel like almost a little bit when I'm with them, I feel like not myself, I feel a little bit more I'll make myself smaller than being my authentic self and showing up how I'd like to show up yeah, you don't even have much fun anymore.
Speaker 2:You're sort of like you just don't feel like you can be fun and you're full yeah, self, you're just like yeah, nah yeah.
Speaker 3:And just being free to be like this is how I'm feeling, or this is what's going on for me, and like I feel.
Speaker 3:like I tend to then feel like I'm shutting down a little bit and then it gets to a point where I'm like I think I need to walk away from this friendship or you know, honour myself in that space and there's friends that I've had over the time that we've gone through seasons of we might not be seeing each other as often, or I can think of several friends that I'm still really close to this day, but when we do see each other, it's like it's on, like it's like no time has passed, like I'm thinking of one person in particular, kate, who I went to school with and there was a period there where she was living in the UK and overseas, but whenever we were together it was like no time has passed and that's always been our relationship, even if we don't speak all the time, and there's friends that you have that.
Speaker 3:But I think it has to be an equal exchange. If you're giving, giving, giving and you'll just feel like they're just taking, taking, taking, then that can be a really big sign because it's like why are you my friend? Is it because I, yeah, is it because I give a lot? Like, is it because you get a lot from me? But then it has to be an exchange totally hear what you're saying.
Speaker 1:I do want to flag, though, that there are sometimes times where you need to step up for your friends, like if your friends go through a hard time like the communication is important. That's where it's different no, no that's not what I'm talking yeah, I'm also like, but just constantly for the listener. Yeah, don't think that the first sign of someone like not giving back is like a reason to just cut it off straight away but, like you kind of need to feel into things over time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, make up your mind, yeah and I think like to what you said about talking to people close, like I know. When I've gone through situations in the past, I've spoken to people that are really close to me and know me really well. So, whether that's you know, you girls or family and the people that just know me, I'll talk it out with them and then I can just almost like affirms how I'm feeling. And then I'm like, okay, I think it's time to end this chapter or talk to them about it. And if you can't come to resolution and I think, yeah, it's just unfortunately sometimes some friendships don't always work out and it could be for them too that they're sitting there not feeling this the same kind of friendship that they once had.
Speaker 2:So it's mutual, yeah is it unfortunate, though, like if you don't want to be in my life, like I'll hold the door, like it's not in my opinion. It's like, yes, it's unfortunate that that season ended, but it's like it's part of life, like just like the seasons, and you just can be better. I think so it is.
Speaker 3:It is okay to like acknowledge that. There's like a sadness of that ending. I feel like any new, any chapter that closes, it's like there's there's grief and it's.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know you might see them out, and about and it's like, oh, we used to be so close and this and that, but it's like, yeah, I'm also honoring that. That wasn't meant for me anymore. Yeah, both of us, but I think it's normal to have a little bit of grief around oh for sure, every friendship that's ended for me like I've definitely grieved that you know chapter or, but then it's sort of like you know, life goes on and it's not meant to be.
Speaker 1:And that's beautiful yeah. Yeah. It's not doing a service to anyone if you're just keeping at it for the sake of keeping at it, based on how many years you've known each other, for you could meet someone tomorrow who has better hopes and intentions for you and you want to spend your time nurturing that? Yeah connection yeah, or just hit it off like I've met people that I've known for.
Speaker 3:Like even like when we met, like you know, we knew each other for like a day and then we were telling each other like our deepest, darkest secrets.
Speaker 2:And there are some people that you just meet and it's just like a magnet, it's just on like from day dot and it's, like you know, sometimes it does mean making space for those sort of relationships and honoring when it's time to move on with a particular relationship I feel like now, looking back in hindsight, like yeah, those sort of friendships have been there my forevers, like it's been a like a magnet like you like, even us like, whereas like sometimes you meet people like and that's probably why it's common in school for friendships, to, you know, fizzle out mainly in school because you had to be in the same environment.
Speaker 2:It was circumstantial, so for sure I mean, I've still got a few beautiful friends from school, um, in particular zoe and tara, they're my, my gals from school and I'd say I'm sorry if I've missed anyone, but I feel like they show up for me still and, um, I see them a lot and that was circumstantial. So I mean, you can still be friends with people after school, but then it's really common. I see why it does fizzle out, because it's sort of like you know, it can be circumstantial, like we've been in the same work environment, like, and then the same with us when we worked at Sydney X-Ray, like you know, we were like so close with everyone and then you know, I find that really I only really stay in contact with V only really stay in contact with fee like she's so beautiful.
Speaker 3:It's the same thing. Work like it's yeah, same as school, like you spend, you know, in a typical job, 38 hours with the same people. You build relationships and you know you still see them out and about and it's. It's great when you see them? Yeah, but it's like you're not in that container anymore where you're having to see them all the time because of school, because of a job, and things do naturally just fizzle out too, and that's you know also okay, that that's just like a season really, I do think it's really common as adults for majority of our friendships to come from work like if I'm thinking in the case of my mom.
Speaker 1:My mom still keeps contact with like heaps of the people that she worked with over the years, um, and I can think of like Josh, for example, who I've worked with, who's now turned into like such an amazing friend and has opened up doors for me to make other amazing new friends in my local area, which is awesome, that we probably wouldn't have had that friendship blossom to that level if we kept working together, but because we both left that job at the same time, things just like really took off, and so it's nice to be able to know that, even though circumstances put you together, you can still make the active choice to to grow that outside of those circumstances, if you want to For sure yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, even like yeah, work's a big one because you do. I remember you said something to me and it stuck with me like your work friends, they become your family. Like you, you're working on projects together, you trust each other, you eat together. Like it is really yeah, it's a really um special relationship. And yeah, even in work, like if there's someone that is bringing the team down or you're noticing has effect on people, that's not positive. It's also like you're allowed to.
Speaker 3:You know, do what you need to do to protect the team, or yeah, like relationships don't just mean friendships, like it could be yeah, so many. It could be a work colleague, it could be a boyfriend or a partner or a husband. It could be a relationship with a parent, a step parent yeah I feel like relationships are so diverse and I think these kind of signs or good, good or bad signs- could apply to any sort of relationship that you have in your life something I would love to mention is that it's really important to keep communication open in your relationships.
Speaker 1:I see relationships as like the ultimate playground for spiritual growth, because it's often where the hardest stuff comes up that you need to face. Either it's things about yourself or things that you feel triggered by in another person that help to kind of steer and guide you towards. Like your morals, and I used to be someone who was super avoidant of conflict. I used to get really freaked out by it and I would never want to raise anything if someone had done wrong by me.
Speaker 1:I didn't want to rock the boat, but I would argue and say that that's been the key to the longevity of my connections is being able to hold space and be present for difficult conversations and expect them, because we change so much as people over the years and sometimes, um, I or my friends might have like an outdated version of who I am in their head or expectations that they're holding me to that I can't meet, or it could be anything, but if you don't have a conversation around it, you can potentially miss an opportunity to keep that friendship going. Like, I can think of instances where maybe there would have been times where a friendship could have stopped, but it didn't because of the certain choices that we made and actually you get to start another new chapter with that person. So there's ways of approaching things and looking at things too. Yeah, for sure. You just have to decide what's right for you and if those conversations go badly, then that's, there's your answer yeah, people show their true colors.
Speaker 3:And but it is important, like I've definitely found myself in scenarios like I think I tend to not want to rock the boat because I I don't want to upset somebody or I don't want to love them, yeah, and it's coming from a place of love, but it does disservice the relationship, because I've had times where, with particular friendships, I should have spoken up and I didn't, and then I bottled things up and then something really minor happens and then I'm just like wow, and they're like whoa, where did that come from?
Speaker 3:And I'm like this is years of resentment and you know things building up. But if you're not communicating throughout which is something that I'm trying to work on when you do eventually get to that breaking point, it's not a total shock to that person, because you've kind of communicated throughout, where what I used to tend to do was just bottle everything up, talk to other people about it, to be like you know, I'm upset about this or that, and then that person doesn't know. And then one day something really minor happens and you're just like, yeah, um, that's a breaking point for you, but they're like what's going?
Speaker 1:on like that come from.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I think it's a really and yeah, for me that's something that I still actively have to work on because I'm like, like, but anyways, it's's a muscle like, and once you do it a few times and it goes well. So, like you know, conversations we have we've had in the past and like it goes well, it's like oh, that actually wasn't that bad Like, but if you have the right people around you, it, you know, it, gives you that confidence to be like. When something bigger potentially comes, you're like okay, well, and they were receptive and they were open and they don't want to hurt me because they love me. It makes it easier to do it in future.
Speaker 1:You've just got to work at it I've actually come to see it as a loving thing, like a loving act, because if yeah, if you don't raise it with someone and they're not aware, then they don't have a choice how to respond to the situation. You need to communicate and provide them with that opportunity and that choice to get to see you and get to know you better. If they don't know, then you know. It's like you've decided for them what they'll be able to handle, but really it's up to them to decide. Yeah that's so true.
Speaker 1:And you can own your space and I have relayed I. It's up to them to decide. Yeah, that's so true, and you can own your space and I, I have relate. I can see where you're coming from. I've been there, you know, nervous system calming techniques and yoga can kind of help you sit with uncomfortableness in your body and help. Sometimes when tom and I have had difficult situations in the past, I used to just like get up and leave because I couldn't like face it, that's a natural instinct and that's sometimes it can be a big t or a little t trauma response.
Speaker 1:And that's my work, or your work, that you kind of have to own and go through um as your part of developing the relationship and your own self and the point is like you never have to tolerate things that no longer serve you relationships and, let me preface, there is no excuse for people that are abusive yeah you can have mental illness stuff going on and let me preface this, I have compassion for that, but if you're abusing others and blaming that, that's that's a fine line.
Speaker 2:For me, that's unacceptable. Um, there's a lot of things in this world that are unacceptable, and it's like you don't have to put up with things that you can't put up with anymore. Um, you deserve to feel safe, you deserve to feel respected. Friendships are a mirror and you deserve to feel happy, like sometimes they can distract us from heavy things that are going on with our personal lives, and it's really important for you to surround yourself with good people. If you're not feeling good anymore, you don't have to put up with that, and you know things are very circumstantial and you know we all have our own. All humans are emotional cucumbers.
Speaker 3:I mean?
Speaker 2:what does that mean? Like emotional, like what's an emotional cucumber that he's laughing. What is that?
Speaker 3:I don't know I've been like cool as a cucumber yeah I like it cucumbers are weird, like watery like yeah, okay, I like that we can be emotional cucumbers like yeah, drop it in the comments.
Speaker 2:It's just a figure of speech emotional number or maybe it's a Laura figure of speech, I don't know. I thought you heard of it. I've definitely heard cool as a cucumber but that goes back to an emotion, so like yeah, I thought it was just like a normal phrase you heard it here first folks, surely, if you're listening, can you please tell us. It's like a normal phrase. You heard it here first, folks, surely. Okay, if you're listening can you please tell us if this is a normal phrase. Emotional cucumber, emotional, no Emotional.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I'm actually pretty certain that there's a brand out there that has emotional safety avocados. And then like there's a new Avocado.
Speaker 2:You want an avocado? Oh, Come on then. Oh.
Speaker 1:That's so funny. And an eggplant.
Speaker 2:I think there's Eggplant, not a fruit, and veggie gal turn this into, but yeah the point the point is like you are, you are in charge of your life and what you allow and what, what you tolerate, and it's okay. If things don't, they run their course or things change. It can be really hard to deal with, but in the long in, in the long term or in the grand scheme of things, it will be better and it will be okay.
Speaker 1:And it's okay to communicate your boundaries. Yeah, sometimes I don't know when my boundaries have been crossed, until someone crosses them, I know. No, ding ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ding.
Speaker 3:Step off. Step off.
Speaker 2:No, I feel it in my body.
Speaker 1:I'm like, yeah, no Boundaries, yeah, that's a good one so you were talking about not communicating and like bottling it up.
Speaker 1:I used to do that too, and also sometimes I'm just like someone who's always like really in my head, like I have a bit of anxiety and I overthink a lot of things, and sometimes I like just get so caught up in it that I forget to communicate what's actually going on for me with the people around me, to the point where I just almost like assume or forget that they may not be aware of, like how I'm feeling, and so if problems have happened or miscommunication has happened this is something that I'm trying to work on is like, yeah, the communication piece or miscommunication, or under communicating when I should be over communicating is that I try and figure out my problems myself so that other people in my life don't have to deal with them, because I like my interactions to be like positive, or, you know, fulfilling, or we're going out and we're doing something fun together, or yeah, um, and so I don't always share when things are hard.
Speaker 1:I feel like there's people who I do go to, like you too, that I can share hard things with, and I'm getting better at that vulnerability piece, but I used to be afraid of taking up too much space in a conversation to really talk through things. But it's important because, yeah, if people around you don't know what you're going through, then they could have.
Speaker 1:You could be misunderstood in the sense that your or me, my effort of like not um being forthcoming with, like information or internalizing a lot of things could come across as like I don't care, or I'm not available, or you know, it could be misinterpreted and that's something that I'm working on and something that I think I've struggled with is is actually just being okay to like, share if I'm having a shit day, and like and call someone and be like hey, I just need to chat like even just like, sometimes things feel bigger in your head.
Speaker 3:So say like we had an interaction and I'm like, oh, lauren said this and I'm not sure how I feel about that. And then I go home and stew on it and go, oh, maybe she said this because of this, because of this. And then it's like you know an endless stream where it's just like if I then just said to you hey, lauren, you said this like what did you actually mean by that? Or I just want to like go back to something that you said, and then we you know, I've had that before where I've done that and like vocalized it, and they're like oh no, I did not mean it like that, I meant it like this.
Speaker 3:But then it like you're potentially then putting yourself through like a week's worth of like torture being like, yeah, it could be this, it could be this, but it's like sometimes just you know being like, could you just clarify by what you meant by that? Or I saw you the other day and, um, I was picking up something. Am I misreading? You know that that interaction, or is something like you know?
Speaker 1:but just like vocalizing, totally reading. You know that that interaction or is something like you know, but just like vocalizing totally because you can spend. So much energy on something that may or may not even be true, and then you talk about it.
Speaker 3:You're like I could have just avoided a week's worth of like torture and just spoken about it.
Speaker 3:But again, it's a muscle and you need to do it with the right people, like your, you know soul people, and then you can start to practice it on other people because you'll build up that confidence to be like well, that went well. And even if it doesn't go well, like you know, I've said what I needed to in the nicest way possible. If that person's not open to receiving it, then we're probably just not, you know, at this point of time, on the same like page you're an amazing friend.
Speaker 1:yeah, thank you, you're all amazing yeah.
Speaker 3:You are too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, set the bar and you want to?
Speaker 3:like leave like I've, you know, come into some of our hangouts and just been like so flat and just like, oh, I've got so many things on, and then I always leave our interactions feeling happy and excited and, you know, like fulfilled. Fulfilled, yeah, life's short, you want to be happy and, and if someone isn't serving you and you're in that spot, make space for someone you know more aligned.
Speaker 2:Who wants to be there? Yeah?
Speaker 3:who wants to be there and I've had that where I've had to. You know, make space in my life and I've caught in some really amazing people that we're more similar, like we have a great time together, like I've my capacity is more because I've got more space around me. So it's, you know, it's not always a bad thing. It's hard, you know, friendship breakups or you know, just coming to a close, but there's another side, like there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and when one door closes, another opens and it's just not meant to be.
Speaker 1:Some things are just not meant to be, something's just not meant to be forced, or it's okay to part ways and yeah, it can be really intimidating, um, and confronting even just to acknowledge yourself if something's not working there, particularly if it's like a group of friends oh, and like you're all friends, and then you have to separate.
Speaker 1:Like you're the odd one, like you're the black sheep, you have to like, you have to then make that jump to exit yourself, yeah, leaving a group how do you, yeah, and then, but then just having the courage to be able to do that and stand on your own two feet even when you don't know what's out there, you just have to kind of let go and trust that you will eventually find people, or people will find you, and I think, the more that you can show up as best as yourself as possible, even if it means some like awkward conversations and moments where that didn't quite fit, like eventually you're going to click with someone who's like oh I, I like your special brand of weird, I like your spicy.
Speaker 2:I'm a little bit spicy, but leaving a group scenario like I've never experienced that.
Speaker 2:but hats to the people who do. Because you're going against what you've known or what you've grown, like it's you're going against the grain and to leave a group that would be a whole nother like level and Because there's like a like, if you're basically what I'm saying is like that's an amazing thing to do. If you're not feeling happy in that group setting, like that could be toxic, or you don't agree with the way they you know you just don't get along or agree with what, how they're, who they're becoming, or whatever, whatever it is.
Speaker 2:I don't. I've never been in this particular scenario, but the point is, if you leave that for your own self, that's amazing.
Speaker 1:You should really take your hat off, because choose your hard yeah, it's going to be harder for you to stay and keep up and put yourself through this emotional turmoil of feeling like a square peg in a round hole, then having a few months or years or weeks of hard going at it on your own and putting yourself out there yeah, you're showing up for yourself by leaving these relationships that no longer align with who you want to be or what, yeah, so yeah, that's a hard one, and I can't even, I can't even imagine like that would be hard, but good on you for those who have had to do that.
Speaker 2:That's really, that would be really hard. Yeah, but choose your hard Choose your hard.
Speaker 1:I love that. Yeah, leaving romantic relationships, that is, I feel like, where most of us can get tripped up or spend too long. Oh yeah, because there's so much riding on these connections, particularly as you get later and later and later in your life, I feel like, true, you know, there's probably questions of will I find someone else who's gonna love me? Or my biological clock is ticking like should I just stay?
Speaker 1:should I just settle? Should I just stay? You know, and then when you're in a relationship and it's time to end, you could have been grieving that the loss of that relationship while you're in a relationship and it's time to end, you could have been grieving the loss of that relationship while you're still in it, to the point that when you make the decision and you leave it and you should be feeling sad and you should be feeling a certain type of way, you're actually not, because you've already gone through that grief, like you've already gone through the process of leaving that relationship and, yeah, sometimes people stay in relationships too long for like the wrong reasons or they go back because there's more to figure out.
Speaker 1:maybe you haven't like really reached an answer with it yet and there's more to see through. I think what I'm saying is like there's no perfect way to navigate it, rather than just by, yeah, connecting to your intuition and going with how you feel in the moment, because if you're going with how you're feeling in the moment, you're never going to be led astray.
Speaker 2:Someone said this amazing quote that's really stuck with me In your 20s like when you're young, you know it's normal for things to come and go. You've got time essentially when you start hitting your mid-20s for me, friendship wise, it was sort of like every, every relationship now is an investment. And you know, I'm happily married. I've been married with my childhood sweetheart. We've been together for since we were 16. But for those of you who are, who are single and dating, it's like, you know, if you are dating, you're in that kind of place in your life.
Speaker 2:It's like every relationship from your like 30, 20, mid-20s or 30s or whatever that is an investment. Do you want to invest in that relationship? Because if you don't, what are you doing? Yeah, and it's also like if you're coming to that point where you're like stuck, you know, in a pattern norm of someone and it's not actually gonna serve you in the future, like you're investing into the wrong thing, like you could be, you know, leave, or just yeah, because when you start getting older, like you said, like your biological, like there's things that you want to think about, like there's dreams or ambitions or things that you want to achieve or accomplish or do with someone. It's like, if you're just if you know you're not supposed to be with them, like why are you like it's easier said than done? But it's sort of like I view any relationship as an investment. It's like why are you investing? Leave Like it's. It's easier said than done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I love that quote it's like life-changing it's like every single relationship work um friendship part, like if you're dating, yeah, it's a good way for me to look at it.
Speaker 3:I like that yeah, I guess, like flipping the conversation, say you have got to that place where you've made space, or you just you know you've moved into a different area. What are some ways that you can make friends? Because it is really hard as an adult because everyone's got their own things going on. You know there's there are people that have been friends since school, you know everyone's working. It's like what are some ways that people can actually go out and potentially meet some new people that they're more aligned with?
Speaker 2:well, law of action, like action, do something. Like you can't just be like, oh, I'm manifesting new friends. It's like go and put yourself out there and do it. And like um patty told me this I don't know where he got it from, but he tells me the coolest facts. We call it Pat Fact of the Day it used to be every day, but obviously as the years went on not every day.
Speaker 4:They're like here and there. It's like I'm writing out facts to give you.
Speaker 2:It was like a solid three years of facts.
Speaker 3:He's a very factual person. Yeah, he is.
Speaker 2:He told me that someone he spoke to. He said that back in the 90s or early noughties or whatever you want to call it, you would go out to a bar and your dopamine hit would be to meet a new friend. Like hey, like put yourself out there, whereas nowadays we're just scrolling and that sounds so we're not actually needing to get that dopamine hit from the community. Or like going out there and meeting new people. And I was like oh, my gosh, that's crazy.
Speaker 2:I didn't know that yeah, um, and yeah, I think, put yourself out there like when you're traveling abroad and you know you, you just talk to someone you sat next to on the plane or it's good to get uncomfortable and like law of action, like you can't just say you're calling in something or try and manifest something new friendships and you don't do anything about it like go sign up to a new gym, go to a mom's group, try and put yourself out there in the community, because people are craving that connection.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, traveling is a really good example, right, because often we make great connections while we're traveling, because the walls are dead, my best because your walls are down and you are open and you're receptive and you're out there, you're doing things that you're interested in and you know your time's short, so you're like let's just make a most of it. What?
Speaker 1:have I got to lose by striking up a chat with this person about what we're sharing right now and when we apply those same principles to our daily life and get curious about the interactions that we can have and, like, make an effort, dress up, like, put on your best self every day, because you don't know who you're going to bump into, who you're going to meet, where your next best relationship is going to come from. But it's about taking down the walls and it's about having quality conversations and being generally interested. People love to talk about themselves, so if you get really good at asking questions and helping other people feel interesting, then that's a really good way to make conversation as well.
Speaker 3:that builds to quick connections and it does feel a little bit like I know from my experience when I've, like in adulthood, had to put myself out there with friends like it does feel a little bit awkward.
Speaker 3:You're like oh, this is weird, like yeah you just feel a little bit strange because you're like I am really just putting myself out there to be like, hey, do you want to do this with me on this particular day? And you know there's obviously that chance of rejection. But it's like whenever I have done that and put myself out there and actioned, you know what I'm wanting from for my life and the people that I like see someone and I'm like I really like them, like I love their vibe, you know whatever, by actually putting yourself out there and making those efforts I feel like it then just gets reciprocated, and then that's when friendships really do start to form.
Speaker 3:And I've had a few scenarios before where people were like, oh, you're so close for this particular person and I'm like, but that's not just through me sitting here, going, yeah I want that like it's just like I've had to put myself out there and be like hey do you want to do this, or yeah, show up for things that are important to them, ask them the right questions. You know, remember when they've told you stuff and be like hey what happened with that like?
Speaker 3:you know you mentioned this a few weeks ago with this person or this job or whatever, like how's that all going for you? And actually show interest. And I feel like you know that's when friendships do just blossom, because it's like it's again that exchange of energy. But if you're not putting yourself out there but you're like I want to, you know, make all these new friends and do all these new things, you have to put yourself out there and it does feel awkward for someone that's not like I am outgoing, but I can be a little bit more introverted.
Speaker 3:At times, like for me, it's kind of like ego death, like like you know, it's just like so, but you have to do it and whenever I've done it, I've looked back and gone like thank god I asked that person to hang out with me, just one-on-one, or thank god, I pursued that you because, yeah, life's short and I think, with the traveling thing, because you are on that short time frame, everyone is just like just shooting their shots. They don't, you know, they're not really worried about oh well, what if that person doesn't want to hang out with me? Whatever, we're just like, I'm only here for a short period, I'm just going to put myself out there, and then you meet amazing people. That's right.
Speaker 1:So if only we could just apply that to our, or continue to apply that in our everyday life relationships, we can yeah, I love what you said about the follow-up, care and being interested, like if you can remember something that someone told you and you show that you're a really good listener. Yeah, that goes a long way when making first impressions, but something that I love to do is just affirmation if I like someone I'll tell them like I will openly say like hey, I feel really drawn to you, I really would love to share more time together, and then the consistency like just showing up and making plans putting dates in the diary and you know, yeah, um, that helps to build momentum behind things really quickly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, a little like trick that I actually do for some like for the remembering part, because you know life is busy, it is hard, unless you've got a really good memory, to remember all the things Say. Someone says to me like, oh, I really want that, or they just mentioned something, just put it in your notes. Just say, like laura mentioned, she'd love to have a flower apron and then when her birthday rolls around and you then get her something like something that they've thought about then and it doesn't have to be because it's so hard when you're trying to like think of something that someone wants, you're like, oh god.
Speaker 3:But if you're just like making little notes or it could just be they told me about this, I want to come back to this and then next time you see them, you just look, you know it's me like, oh, that's right you're taking friendship notes yeah, and some therapy sessions that are important, like more.
Speaker 3:So I remember conversations, but the present one is something I do because whenever presents roll around I just go blank and I'm like I can't remember what they're. You know it is. But it's like if they mention something to you, just jot it down in your notes and then that way, when it does roll around, then you can look at it. I love that so much what about family?
Speaker 1:family's hard. Sometimes it's like you are obligated almost to see these people.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, or you may not even question it because there's so much, just like other familial support Say you have Christmas, or like you have these traditions that you know everyone's going to. Just because you're family doesn't mean you have to engage with your family, mean you have to engage with your family, and often that can be the trickiest place, where people um deny their feelings for a long time because they want to be accepted by their family unit. But it's really, really challenging.
Speaker 3:It is I feel, like boundaries, especially for family, is really important, like especially with family, like that you know your immediate family because they've known you obviously since the day you were born. But the person that you are today is probably is definitely different to that person when you were younger.
Speaker 3:So without those boundaries and being like I don't like when you do this or this is kind of where this is at. They just won't know. But I think it's really important to have boundaries with family, just so you feel respected, and then they can give you what, what they want as well but, it is hard and you know there's that can be in any aspect. It could be an emotional boundary.
Speaker 2:It could be a financial boundary, like they just like. Not, this doesn't happen to me, but, like you know, some people like um, like they're like, give me your money. Like you know some people I'm like what the hell? I've never even heard of this. But, like you know, boundaries are huge.
Speaker 3:Legal boundaries are something that's like you know, no Like or just any kind of boundary is really important, and just because they're your family it doesn't mean you have to be around them or put up with it, like you can, you know, out of respect, keep a relationship there and again this hasn't happened to me personally but put things in place so then you feel respected and when you do, engage with them you know, you can keep it in a controlled environment, yeah. Or if it's getting to a point that it actually isn't sustainable for you, then they're not respecting your emotional needs or you don't have to do it, yeah like, but I think family is tricky.
Speaker 2:That's a tricky one very, that's a I don't even know what to say. Just I think, mainly boundaries. You have to have them in all relationships, but I feel like there's a fine line with family, like they, they know you so well, like they're your family, but it's like you can't get away with everything.
Speaker 1:Like you know, there's boundaries there in place, so it's also really easy to just fall into roles like I am the mum, I'm the dad, I'm the like, the auntie that thinks this or that, or I'm your older sister I'm your authority kind of figures that have that sort of they feel like, for example you're an adult who's lived out of home for a bit, but you have to move back in with your parents because you're saving up for your house and then, all of a sudden, you're having these like high school arguments with your parents about cleaning your room.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like I'm not sure. Yeah, that would be weird. I'm no child anymore, yeah, so like, how do you know about?
Speaker 1:those and like, and that's obviously just a light hearted one.
Speaker 2:That's hilarious.
Speaker 1:But, but yeah, if your family is disrespecting you you don't have to engage and you can keep people at arm's length. You know and be kind, but you don't have to put up with shit.
Speaker 3:No no.
Speaker 2:If you're not emotionally respecting my boundaries see you later. I don't care if you're Frank Sinatra, you're out of your mind.
Speaker 3:I don't care who you are. He's saying I love it. I'm like nah, I don't care who you are, I love it.
Speaker 2:I'm like nah, I don't care who you are family or friend if you don't respect my boundaries. What did Frank ever do to you? Poor Frank Frank Sinatra? I don't know obviously. Frank Sinatra is not a family member, but he could be anyone you never know.
Speaker 3:I don't give a shit. He's probably in his grave.
Speaker 2:Key takeaway don't give a shit if you're Frank Sinatra Family.
Speaker 3:That should be the caption of the episode.
Speaker 1:I don't care if you're Frank Sinatra.
Speaker 2:Everyone's just like what Everyone's like. Very random story guys.
Speaker 1:It's a really hard choice between that and emotional cucumbers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so lovely but obviously, if you know the people who know my journey, I've obviously gone through times with my family and it's sort of like I got this. I think we've even touched about this in another episode but like just the let them theory, like let them. See you later. Let them you know like you don't need to put up with anything you don't want to or like have to.
Speaker 1:And also there could be people out there who have to, for their own mental health and well-being, distance themselves from their family because their family may have done things the same way for the whole life, for their whole generations before them, and you want to rewrite the script and you want to be the change or break the lineage patterns and traumas or whatever it is, and that's really hard to stand in the light and not in the dark, especially if you have a family who is just, will put you down and will poke holes in everything you do just to keep you at their level, because maybe they're not as self-aware, maybe they're really hurt and hurt people.
Speaker 1:Hurt people, oh yeah. But you know, if you envision something different from your life or from what your name says about you, then you have control and you are the writer of your story and you have every right to pave your own pathway. And I'm sorry, because that's going to be really fucking hard and you probably don't deserve it. And I think if you can use it to your superpower and your fuel and motivation to get where you're going, then that's awesome, but you don't have to keep putting up with shit no, I think it's the same as, like we were saying before, like walking away from a group.
Speaker 3:It's families, obviously so much deeper and it's rooted and it's just yeah heavy.
Speaker 3:But you're going against the norm like you're going against the grain, the path, essentially yeah, and you're, you're making your own way, but, yeah, nothing's worth compromising on your mental well-being, and especially when you eventually start your own family as well, like there might be particular ways that you want to live your life and raise them and and everything. And if people can't respect that, if it's a friend, family member, partner, whoever then you do need to look at that and put yourself first I think you're strong head nod.
Speaker 2:I feel it in my bones yeah, I feel like we've really touched on some really important topics and we hope that these you know, this conversation wasn't it's not an easy one to have. It's even more like, you know, I didn't even know what we were going to talk about, but it was really nice to have this conversation with you guys and shed some light on things that need to need to be raised.
Speaker 1:And, um, yeah, just keynote, just don't, don't put up with if this has sparked something for you and you want to chat through anything deeper. Obviously we're not professionals and you take all of this, as with every episode, with a pinch of salt, but prefacing pinch of salt. But if you did want to chat through anything or it made you feel some type of way, or you wanted to hear more about our personal experiences I mean, not everything that we spoke about we've gone through personally, but we can just empathize with um. We are here and the dms are open and we're always happy to have a chat yeah, for sure you're not alone.
Speaker 2:And um, yeah it, it's hard out there. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:But we hope you all got something out of this episode or even just feel heard or understood or just, yeah, listening to us and going oh, it's nice just to hear other people speak about that. Um hope that you got something out of this, yeah.
Speaker 2:It was nice speaking to you, it is about it, and I love that you brought up the reason seasons and that saying something out of this, it was nice speaking to you. It is about it, and I love that you brought up the reason seasons and that saying we should call this episode that Like see, yeah, friends people of reason seasons or forever. Okay, I love that. Anyway, thanks guys, and we'll be back with another episode very soon.
Speaker 1:Hit subscribe. Yes, drop your cucumbers in the comments.
Speaker 2:Emotional cucumbers. Only I wouldn't want to be you. I don't know where the Franks are. It was just out of pure wit. He's like. I don't even know his song. He's just got such a cool name.
Speaker 3:He's like oh, oh, oh, I don't even know his song, he's just got such a cool name.
Speaker 2:He's like my pop's favorite singer.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is that. No.
Speaker 2:I didn't know his song.
Speaker 3:Hum it into Google. All right, ciao, much love, bye, bye. Thanks for listening to Loosely Speaking and, as always, take everything we say with a pinch of salt. New episodes drop every fortnight, so hit subscribe to stay in the loop. Come hang out with us on Instagram at looselyspeakingpodcast. We share the fun behind the scenes moments and chat with you all. There Got something you want us to chat about? Or just say hey? Shoot us an email at loosely speaking, the podcast at gmailcom. We'd love to hear from you. If you loved this episode, follow along, share it with a mate or leave us a review. It helps us making great episodes and bringing on the kind of guests you want to hear from. Thank you.
